tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
