obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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