I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
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