Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I have aggressive nipples.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
