It's like God shit irony all over that family
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
