He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
