my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
