If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
