I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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