yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My dick has a subreddit
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
