can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
