well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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