you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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