Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i now understand why vodka
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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