Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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