U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
