I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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