And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
