Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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