so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
