So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I stole a fireplace last night.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
