life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you would pick up someone in the library
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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