You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I want to fling myself into the sun
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
