Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You've changed since you got that strap on
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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