oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
