I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
