why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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