To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
