you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
