Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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