If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
