The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
