Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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