Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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