I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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