dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
