she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize