I looked at my own cervix.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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