he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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