Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
