Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Someone came in the potted fern
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
