Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
