I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
