I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I intend to get homeless drunk
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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