he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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