there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
