Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
