Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
