I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
