i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
