She is in my trunk
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
