Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
