Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
