Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
