Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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