Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
