we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
