U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize
