I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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