Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
