2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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