i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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