I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
