considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
