I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We left the knife in your bed.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
