you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
