i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
