I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
