wakey wakey hands off snakey
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
