but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
