but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize