nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
