dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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