I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
