dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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