I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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