he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
organizing the empties. That sober.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize